Sunday, July 25, 2010

Some thoughts to ponder on..

"They always say that it is wrong but while doing it, it seems RIGHT"

Was there are time that you have thought that what you are doing is wrong/right but it is really right/wrong? For me this happens all the time... It is not because I am hard headed or high strung, I just want to do the things I really wanted to do... Knowing whether it is bad or wrong, I would still do those things... A time would come that I will hit my face on the pavement and smell the aroma of CONSEQUENCES... Actions will always come with consequences (you throw me a sissy fit, i will give a bitch fit). Consequences that we might regret or be grateful of. With everything that has recently happened to me these past 7 months, I have no regrets whatsoever because I know that I have given the best to make things work. The decisions that I made, was worth all the pain. With my current status right now, I am happy with the things going on.

Have you encountered an incident when you have practiced the nth time what you want to say to a person but you were not able to do so because you chickened out? I know that there are reasons why we do these things.. I guess we all fear REJECTION (*thunder*), HEART ACHES (*POW*) and not hearing what we want to HEAR (*What's that deary?*). Let's all admit it, we would only say things that the other person wants to hear (not unless you are a tactless person go ahead)to shut them up. I think that we should voice out things that the other person wants to know. People lie because they don't want to hurt their friend's feelings, to cover up the shit they have created etc. But creating white lies would eventually come out & shit, shit will happen and everything gets down and DIRTY.

I tap into my instinct but I guess I am too LOST to get SWOOPED up.

Naaahhh I am not emotional right now, I am just over analyzing things.. rotfl


Thursday, July 22, 2010

The KC show

From my previous blog, I told you all that I'm a bit addicted to twitter right now.. Anyways, I just got back home from an interview / hot rendezvous with B.. I was updating my tweets when I saw KC Montero's tweet that he's doing an interview for assistants lol...
I wanted to spread my GV's so I decided to call, it actually took me a few times. At first I chickened out, the second time, the line was busy & when the opportuniy came.... tudunn tudunn!!! BOOM BAM! I was live on air (OMG beyond that I sounded maarte & i hated it because i am known for being down, rowdy, bosabos.. but wth right?!!??? It's friggin KC Mon. )..
He asked me questions like if I still work (Nope... Im a bum), If my hands were soft (I answered "I think so",should have said something way more ____ lol), playing game consoles etc, what i like to do & eat etc... Then I threw a bomb "Im sorry, Im interested with women" (Now don't get me wrong,KC Montero is a hot/attractive dude but currently im into women & i have my B.. Although I am mor inclined to Cassandra Monteroid). I finally know now that my vioce is like a lil' girl's voice on live radio hahaha..

I guess I started the lesbian topic... & Called mor than I should... I thought that I would start stuttering & have a lock jaw.... It was damn fun, I want to do it again...

It was an experience... Whether the vibes are good or bad... It was a wicked experience...

gotta listen to him, i love his show.. And follow him on twitter as well @KCMontero in twitter
more info click the KC show


Monday, July 19, 2010

Another Boring day..

Twitter Twitter....

I've been getting so addicted to twitter lately & it is nice to know how people are doing by the hour, by the minute or by the second of each day (nah stalking is a different thing rotfl)... Aside from looking for a new job in order to supply my undying, costly & affection for cosmetics and shoes, to my own dismay it is still unfruitful (BLAH! I need to party heavy)

The more I think about my sinful, materialistic demands in life, I feel thatI really need to step up another notch again.. I guess, I should listen to what my cousin said..

"Don't work just to please them, You need to learn how to grow up."

She is so right and whether the 'rents like it or not, I'm going to get a job because I want too. I just don't know why they keep on pushing me to work in Singapore or the US of A... Goodness, nothing beats PI! :)
Gotta run gonna do the yogi & some fat girl run rotfl

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Feelings swirled, movies are so ME...

There are somethings that I really cannot explain to myself. Just thinking about those things mkes me go bonkers and major head ache is brewing up. I think that I am being way too hard on myself, reality sets in & it feels that what I had done were not enough.

I love watching movies or series whether it's a comedy, horror, action, true story, romance etc (even if it is Korean, American, German, French, Filipino, Japanese etc as long as it gets my attention I will definitely watch it). There are certain type of movies that would definitely show "THIS IS YOU!". The side effects of realising that some scenes has already happened to you feels like de ja vu. We either laugh at it or contemplate on it. As far as I can remember, I am not a fan of watching movies that will give me raccoon eyes, there was this korean movie that I watched (up to now) called Windstruck & the Japanese Movie 1 Liter of Tears that brought me to a MAJOR CRYINGfest.

What's with the sad mood?

These movies that I watched taught me something, it takes time to heal wounds and it even takes longer to move on. As easy as it sounds, moving on & healing is such a draining process and the time used up can either be fruitful or another time wasted lamenting. Nobody knows the efforts of someone acting up happy and acting normal when deep inside you are already burning & crashing down not unless they look into the eyes of that person. You would be amazed on what is running inside a person's head during this type of situation. More on asking themselves "Why did it happen to me?", "I should have stayed/ I should have stopped him or her", "It should have been me"... I guess the reasons and the answers to these questions would only be answered by them/ us.

The reason why I blogged something like this is because this entry is dedicated to my gf who died last June 22, 2010. We've been together (okay an on & off relationship) for almost a year and 6 months. I was not a good girlfriend that I was supposed to be (the other women & the infamous MR. BIG errrrrr) but her persistence, patience & understanding made her the ONE. She accepted me with open arms, the excess baggage, sudden outbursts & inclination to B (current beau). No strings attached. What even makes it harder to move on is the letter she sent to B. (I dont want to post the screen shot of the email because it still hurts to remember, I'll just give you the gist)

"I am giving you ReezenTOT back because I can see it in her eyes on how much she loves you. It is her time to be happy for a change. Doing this hurts but please take care of her & dont make a fool out of her "

When B sent me the forwarded email, I was in a state of shock & sadness again. I was amazed that she was willing to let go just to make me happy. Anna is one of the strongest woman that I know. I stood by her side until her last breathe, it was all that I can do. No matter how much or hard I cried, she will never come back. Maybe by blogging about her would help me move on...