Feelings swirled, movies are so ME...

There are somethings that I really cannot explain to myself. Just thinking about those things mkes me go bonkers and major head ache is brewing up. I think that I am being way too hard on myself, reality sets in & it feels that what I had done were not enough.

I love watching movies or series whether it's a comedy, horror, action, true story, romance etc (even if it is Korean, American, German, French, Filipino, Japanese etc as long as it gets my attention I will definitely watch it). There are certain type of movies that would definitely show "THIS IS YOU!". The side effects of realising that some scenes has already happened to you feels like de ja vu. We either laugh at it or contemplate on it. As far as I can remember, I am not a fan of watching movies that will give me raccoon eyes, there was this korean movie that I watched (up to now) called Windstruck & the Japanese Movie 1 Liter of Tears that brought me to a MAJOR CRYINGfest.

What's with the sad mood?

These movies that I watched taught me something, it takes time to heal wounds and it even takes longer to move on. As easy as it sounds, moving on & healing is such a draining process and the time used up can either be fruitful or another time wasted lamenting. Nobody knows the efforts of someone acting up happy and acting normal when deep inside you are already burning & crashing down not unless they look into the eyes of that person. You would be amazed on what is running inside a person's head during this type of situation. More on asking themselves "Why did it happen to me?", "I should have stayed/ I should have stopped him or her", "It should have been me"... I guess the reasons and the answers to these questions would only be answered by them/ us.

The reason why I blogged something like this is because this entry is dedicated to my gf who died last June 22, 2010. We've been together (okay an on & off relationship) for almost a year and 6 months. I was not a good girlfriend that I was supposed to be (the other women & the infamous MR. BIG errrrrr) but her persistence, patience & understanding made her the ONE. She accepted me with open arms, the excess baggage, sudden outbursts & inclination to B (current beau). No strings attached. What even makes it harder to move on is the letter she sent to B. (I dont want to post the screen shot of the email because it still hurts to remember, I'll just give you the gist)

"I am giving you ReezenTOT back because I can see it in her eyes on how much she loves you. It is her time to be happy for a change. Doing this hurts but please take care of her & dont make a fool out of her "

When B sent me the forwarded email, I was in a state of shock & sadness again. I was amazed that she was willing to let go just to make me happy. Anna is one of the strongest woman that I know. I stood by her side until her last breathe, it was all that I can do. No matter how much or hard I cried, she will never come back. Maybe by blogging about her would help me move on...

xoxo