Friday, December 5, 2008

Thesis Paper

Noli me Tangere by Hans Holbein the Younger.Image via Wikipedia"I decided to re post again this pessimistic blog that was posted 3 years ago. this was my thesis paper for my Philosophy Of Man class which gave me a 4 on my class card.. Whooopie! feel free to comment & criticize about this thesis paper"



"My Series of Life Perspectives"

“Walking in the midst of this world”

As I wake up, I try to smell the essence of the morning sun.

Trying to taste its sweet honey and cool breeze.

I was wrong, it wasn’t a sunny morning, and the good days are done.

I find myself burning in this cold rain, my lips scorched in pain; jolly days missed.

All that I can see is pain… there’s nothing left to be glee.

As I looked up darkness has enveloped the vast sky.

I felt that my soul leaving my body, I don’t know what to be.

I see pain lurking, eyeing, people don’t know why.

This world is evil, there are a lot of perils in this place, I don’t know where to hide and who to run to.

I am so scared right now that I am seeing the face of death, but when I saw him, I saw the light that leads to paradise.

There are a lot of times that I considered this world evil in a sense that only few good can be seen. Evil because I see a lot of people suffering due to poverty, war and other negative things. Good because there are still people trying to help those who are in need but they have other things in mind like when they help, there’s something in change like money, ratings, popularity etc.

I believe that living here in this world is hell because you go through the rest of your life worrying, thinking about problems through out. There is never a day that a person has to stop perturbing about doing something for some one or for him. Now let me give you an example. Everyday, I have to worry everyday about doing well in class because of the fear that my parents would disown me. On the other hand, my parents worry about the money they have to work off to get me in school, how to pay the bills and other material things that needs to be paid off. They always say that life is good, or is it?


Some people think that when you’re filthy rich, you don’t have problems, but guess what they do. Problems such as separated parents, how to make your money bigger, and problems with workers etc. The bourgeoisie think that people who are rich have fewer problems; they might have to think again.

This world is mean because it gives and it takes things that are special, and meaningful to us. Maybe we really need to live in this abyss because of too many sins that we have done. But it is not worth it because the innocents are the ones who have to pay for it.


I am not a pessimist but I try to see the real things in life and describe it as I view it. Never the less, this is what I see, feel, experience, smell, and taste. People need to wake up from their dreams because life is not a bed of roses. It is full of chaos, anguish, suffering, pain, hardships, and maybe a little bit of love and hope.


Last night I was sought by my niece to write an essay about needing hope in our world today. Since she studies in a reputable school I have to make it “Godly”. I said that the hope they need is that to have a better economy, responsible politicians and a hope to have their faith strengthened. Why did I say so? Politicians now a day only care about the “Hello Garci” that they forget their responsibilities to their people. Thinking of the righteous words to use, I used this set of words, “have faith in God. Why did I say it? Well, when people don’t have a strong faith, they’re easy to break. Being a converted atheist, I believe that God is human, dead a long time ago, and imperfect. Yet I recognize his prophet Jesus according to Dr. Altonaga, “He was the only philosopher who had hold on to his philosophy and died to his philosophy.”(Why did I come up with this topic?)


As I sat now right in front of my computer, I think of possible ways that this world couldn’t be as much as bad as I see it. Maybe problems can be lifted up if someone’s around you, someone like a friends, family, relatives etc. yet it creeps up my mind that they would not be there for long because we couldn’t tell when time would just get them from us.

World as others see it as a comprising challenge that they have to win. Some do win and some loose greatly. These so called adventurers, who pay everything just to see how this world treat them. From the minute that we were born, we were forced out of our mother’s sanctuary to experience hell. Nobody likes to be tormented through out his or her life but guess what, right now, we are being tormented and scorched out alive at this moment.

Life as I see it is an oblivion and so is this world.

Our world is oblivious and evil summed up all together. They say that life is to good to be left but why do other people choose to die than live at the moment?


When evil circulates man, the world becomes evil, the more greedy man becomes, the more the world looses its nature. The more heartless man can be, the more sufferings that the inhabitants of this world suffer.



Quintessence of God


I was walking the path of death that leads to paradise.

Asked everyone to where I can see God, the perfect.

They looked at me seriously with blank eyes.

My questions were not answered; felt that I was neglected.

I continue to walk this path of death and saw flash backs of my life.

I was always alone; nobody was there to be with me.

I also saw myself cutting my wrist with a knife.

No one was there to stop me; I had bled to death, died at past three.

I realized there wasn’t any God who helped me out, now I know man makes his own life.

We shouldn’t depend on Him, because he might be an illusion; a pigment of our imagination.

Has it ever crossed in your mind to why you believe in God? Ever asked yourself or to others if he really exists? He must be our imagination. Is he love? Spirit? Absolute person?

I enjoy my Philosophy of Man class because it enables my mind to question about a lot of things that are not being accepted or welcomed in other subjects. Through out my life, I was made/rather forced to believe, recognize, appreciate, patronize and praised that there is this supreme being who over looks at us. Being exposed to the book of Noli Me Tangere, El Filibusterismo and other historical views; I was introduced to the false followers of this so-called Supreme Being. Watching women getting raped by the Spanish friars, they have to pay indulgences; innocent people are being punished for crimes they have not committed and other morbid things. Now tell me, is he this righteous God? Letting his children suffer?


Being introduced to God that he’s been known to be a perfect in every aspect, it came across my mind if we were made into his image and likeness, maybe he’s not perfect after all or worst, he is also a human being who had died a billion years ago. So does it mean he’s human as well, full of flaws just like us. If I say this to the faithful ones, I believe that they’re going to whack me to death.


While reading a topic about Ludwig Feuerbach's Essence of Christianity, he discussed three things about God. That God is a.) Love, because God is an absolute person; b.) God is an absolute person by means he is finite or in other words, he has an end, denying him as a spirit for a spirit is distinguished from nature; and lastly god as infinite, the finality of death.

So does this mean that he’s human capable of making, doing imperfect things? When Feuerbach mentioned that God is love, it means that he’s human to show feelings that he cares for his people. Which gives way to that he’s is an absolute person who can just die any time. And if we distinguish him as a spirit, it’s the finality of death and immortality.

With this collected data, I came to ask myself challenging questions on the being of God.

Also in Rene Descartes’ meditation, he had thought that God could be the deceiving demon himself. But there’s nobody who will be deceived unless that person thinks all the while he is being deceived. Can he be the demon himself?


Along with his false followers, they had stapled in people’s minds about heaven, hell, and purgatory. These ideas are great in a way that people would stop doing nasty things (for the idea of going to hell directly.) but to pay indulgences to go to purgatory is shit.


God is a selfish being because he only cares about himself. I hate the ways that are being practiced because it’s useless or it can be the other way round. This so called God does not love his children at all because he enjoys seeing his children suffer.

One night, I made an argument rather a debate with my brother; I asked him if he believes that God exists even though he couldn’t see, feel, hear and speak to him and on the other hand I’m on the opposite side, that God does not exist, a state to be attained, an illusion. We both defended what we believe in so here goes our debate:


Dani: God is real because of my strong faith; he helps us with our problems.

Reeze: If he is real why do we have to suffer too much? Why did he let our parents have a harder time when he knows that they’re already suffering?

Dani: Because that’s how life is. God destined us to have things happen to us. ....

After having this heated debate with my brother, I just saw how strong his faith in God is who hasn’t helped him when I was suffocating him with a pillow him. In this situation, was God there? I was very surprised to see beyond all my craziness on how much my brother loves me even though we fight a lot. So now is he just an imagination? My brother who has this strong faith wasn’t able to see his god helped him and I almost choked him to death. (me and my Kuya aka older brother do stupendous things to each other as other siblings do.)



Man is Mysterious


I am lost in myself; I have personalities that don’t match.

I perceive that the things, people and places that are pleasurable to me are sacred.

I believe that sex is so sacred I’m a pretty catch.



I love to see myself bare because I enjoy the time seeing myself in the reflection as a young woman.

Being in this state of oblivion, I seem to be wearing a lot of masks.

Masks of personalities, to hide my deeper and inner self from others.

By these masks, nobody can sum up the courage to break me off easily again.

I am man, I can be perceived, but from that I learn that I exist.

This topic is the hardest of them all.

Man is a sexual being. He tries to find things that are pleasurable to his needs. With this will, he’s capable of creating euphoria or ludicrous towards his surroundings. Because of this will and his hidden powers, man can do anything beneficial or nerve wrecking.


Man is destructive. With his hidden agendas, man is capable of causing havoc with others. Although he knows how to get along with other people, he knows how to please and he knows how to break them into pieces. When he is displeased with things that is not in order. He can break them up in an instant.


Man is foolish; he can be played very easily. There are times that he is gullible; he doesn’t know that he is being deceived. He’d do things that are so destructive that nature get hurts a lot.


Man is a jolly person; he tries his best to make others happy. He is also a patient being, in a sense that he holds up his temper. And glum, when he’s down so low that he sees the pains and sufferings in his heart.


By these descriptions of man, I find it that in order for man to live fairly in this world; he needs an other to be by his side to make it more enduring. With the presence of the other, man has responsibilities to the opposite. We better make the most of our lives.

Being born alone in this world, we all know that we would die alone. The purpose of the other is to keep each other company so that when dying, you’d be feeling enlightened in the midst of death.


With my mixed emotions right now, I feel lost about myself, I feel that I only need myself to live my life. I came to see life as a morbid experience that I need to be independent from others because they will not stay with us forever. Through my eighteen years living in this world, I had felt a lot of sufferings in my life. The biggest impact of life was when my boyfriend died last year. When he died I felt so dull that my soul went crushing down. I felt so empty that I was ready to go ballistic. I suddenly thought of the grudges that I had hold. “No, I am not yet ready to die, I need to do some vengeance…” I said.

Why did I say so? Maybe because of the hard times that some people did to my parents. I didn’t like it when this so called "human" dissed my family. With all the grudges that I had hold inside of me just burst out that I became stronger and leaner than I was ever before. By this, man as a cause of destruction poured my soul that I was ready to cause chaos right there and then.

I am a destructive person that I know how to cause havoc. But all of these beings of man are present in me that I don’t know how to control them. They wanted their presence felt that I am becoming crazy at most times and if not crazy, too serious.

I am man; I know that I exist because I think. No I am not a bundle of impressions because I can feel myself.


“Esse est percipi” to be is to be perceived, to exist is to be perceived.--George Berkley.




(thanks for reading this entry... when i was making this thesis paper my anger & hatred went over board.. during this time my family was struggling so bad in order for me to study in csb.. yet i dropped out & studied somewhere else.. yes, i still have these inuendos within me... im pretty saddistic/masochist haahahaha)

**inorder to achieve & understand happiness, one must endure & experience pain, sadness & loneliness.**
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