Negativity VS Positivity

Me and Chef Mike Oberle from Iscahm

There were endless things that I wanted to do when I reach the age that I am currently in. 21 years of bad, mischievous, cocky, funny & sweet life has been endured and now I am in a state that I call my midlife crisis.. (lol)

As a kid, I fantasized myself as an actress/make-up artist. I was fond in acting and dancing, I was even with the theater club. It felt like the epitome of my dream when I starred as the Evil stepmother in our own version of Cinderella. Yet whenever grown ups ask me what I wanted to have as a career I always said,

" I want to become a lawyer. I don't want to be a pro bono. I will defend the criminals for they have the money"

The elders would always laugh at it for someone so young to say such a thing.

When my parents disapprove of this, I told them that I wanted to be an archeologist. I am fascinated by history's treasures like the ruins in Egypt of the Piramids to the mummified corpses in the Mountain Province. I like learning things about culture and traditions up until now. My favorite subjects were history, english literature and grammar and so forth. My mummy simply replied "NO, it is too expensive and you won't be able to earn any good money."

Endless things that I wanted to learn yet my father disapprove of those things like when I wantd to learn ballet and gymnastics. Instead of those, he let me study karate and the piano. I stopped learning the piano because I know that it was not meant for me. My karate lessons stopped too when I did some moves on a classmate who was teasing me (yes I am a war freak.. My older sister would usually see me throwing fists at a bigger kid in the playground).

Freshman year in high school came, my mind changed, I wanted to become a forensic pathologist toxicologist or join the Armed Forces of the Philippines. A forensic pathologist toxicologist because of the science that revolves around the profession and finding clues on what caused the death of the victim. Joining the army, I wanted to show people that my looks can be deceiving. i love the ways, the discipline that some army people have.

Then it changed again, I wanted to become a chef as I was trying to be like my mum.

I believe I failed in that. I am very thankful that my parents let me take the course that I wanted but I was still unsure what I really wanted to do. Doing my best in the things that are needed to success in school regardless of what people would think, I did it.

I love the schools that I went thru when I was in college. The people that I was able to meet help build up who I am now other than my family.

Whenever my mentors (Chef Hans, Chef Gandler, Chef Uli, Chef Mike, Chef Manoj, Chef Gene Cordova, Mr. Subillaga, Chef Pauline, My profs in English subjects & Dr. Altonaga ) share their experiences to me, I feel happy because of the inspiration that were building up within... There was a school competition that scared me so much that my knickers were falling off. I know that I am not the best in school, became the biggest hindrance in my life. YEt, I was able to succeed in it. Graduation came, I never went to it because the price was to steep. I was able to earn my diploma.

Then here comes the job interviews. Knowing my parents when I was able to get job offers for certain companies in the middle east and for cruise ships.. All that I can see, feel and hear on their actions are NO. Then locally there were no job positions available for the job that I wanted to get which even made me low. My self confidence went crashing down. I started to despise the profession that I was hoping to love more than ever.

I tried to apply for jobs that has someething to do with Hospitality and I failed due to my facial and body structure. They said that I needed to go to Dr. Manny and Pie Calayan or to Dra. Vicki Belo to do some wonders for me & I don't meet their requirements.. (now this is what you call discrimination)

Then I went to work for Telemarketing companies where I excelled. My family was not very happy about it.. They would always make me feel guilty by saying things that "I worked hard for that damned course you wanted! *#*@#*?!. " that even made me confused...

Until now, I am still puzzled by my skills. I never knew which one to cultivate. I have a lot of dreams that were shattered by poverty and low self-esteem. Still pondering which would suite me well for thelife ahead. I am at the bridge of the crossroad that I am taking now. The bridge is still covered in fog, yet, I can feel that there is something beyond it.


More time to think... HAizst!

tshuck


xoxo